Weight: 125.0
I've decided rather then fasting for only 7 days, I'm going to fast until i reach 119 lbs. I'd really love to fast until 117, but we'll see :) I feel fantastic today. I have zero hunger pains, which was a whole different story yesterday. Last night, I was in agony trying to go to sleep. I remember looking at the clock at 4:43am ant thinking "Fuckkkk. I'm tired." But I made it through and dropped almost a whole'nother 2 lbs. On average I'm loosing 1.8 lbs per day and if I can keep this up, I'll be okay.
I'm still debating whether or not I want to do the Master Cleanse for 10 days after my fast, or stick to 300 calories of raw fruits and vegetables. I know that if I do the Master Cleanse, I'm only eating raw/organic fruits & veggies until my birthday. I want to weigh 112 on my birthday so bad... so, SO bad.
I didn't get the job at Bellingham Fitness. i really thought I had a shot, but oh well. Apparently i just wasn't what they were looking for in a receptionist. It only paid about $9 an hour, but the benefits would have been a free gym membership and free tanning. I'm okay though, because today I have an interview for a receptionist position at the Pacific Cataract and Laser Institute, which is way more my style, considering i'm going to school to be a "Medical" front office receptionist. They pay is way better, almost $15 an hour, but it's only part time. I'm on the hunt for places to have my internship this summer, so maybe if I don't get hired there, I can persuade them to consider me as an intern this summer. I know that I want to specialize in Obstetrics and Gynecology, but at this point in my life I'll be thankful for any position. Opthalmology is a fascinating field anyways. I won't be complaining there, at all.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Fast: Day 2
Weight: 126.8
Fuck the ABC. Queue 7 day fast as of yesterday.
After the fast I'm either going to do the 10-Day Master Cleanse or limit myself to raw fruits and veggies up to 300 calories per day until my birthday.
Fuck the ABC. Queue 7 day fast as of yesterday.
After the fast I'm either going to do the 10-Day Master Cleanse or limit myself to raw fruits and veggies up to 300 calories per day until my birthday.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Day 12.
Weight: 124.8
FAST FRIDAY: f a i l.
Let me tell you about my binge!
* * * Panda Express PURGED
Chow Mein - 200 calorie
Fried Rice - 285 calories
Orange Chicken - 400 calories
Mandarin Chicken - 310 calories
6 Crispy Shrimp - 260 calories
and a fortune cookie - 32 calories
total: 1,487 calories
* * * Pringles: 900 calories PURGED
* * * Popcorn: 500ish PURGED
* * * Rocky Road Ice Cream: 240
fuck my life.
FAST FRIDAY: f a i l.
Let me tell you about my binge!
* * * Panda Express PURGED
Chow Mein - 200 calorie
Fried Rice - 285 calories
Orange Chicken - 400 calories
Mandarin Chicken - 310 calories
6 Crispy Shrimp - 260 calories
and a fortune cookie - 32 calories
total: 1,487 calories
* * * Pringles: 900 calories PURGED
* * * Popcorn: 500ish PURGED
* * * Rocky Road Ice Cream: 240
fuck my life.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Day 11.
Weight: 125.7 lbs
So last night, I had a huge weight-related panic attack because I didn't make it through my 2nd day of fasting. Around 6pm I started to get horrible stomach pains that wouldn't go away. I tried ice water, Diet Coke, etc, but liquid just couldn't calm it down. So, I tried to eat some toast (100cals) with fat-free butter (50) and cinnamon to maybe absorb any acid or bile that was irritating my stomach lining. Well, that didn't work either, so I made the only "binge-food" I had in my apartment, which was Toy Story mac&cheese made with zero butter, just 1/2 cup of fat-free & lactose-free milk (45-50) which actually helped me feel a lot better. My stomach started tearing it apart right away - I could actually feel it, which was really weird. I weighed myself about 45 minutes after I ate and it said 127.2 lbs which really is less then a pound more then I weighed in the am.
BUT I LOST MORE WEIGHT! I am so happy
I'm not going to say that Hydroxycut Advanced is a magic pill because I knew barely eating 500 calories a day is probably contributing as well, but I'm going to tell myself they are :)
Today's Limit: 150.
"Lunch"
@ 12pm: 1/2 a Grilled Cheese Sandwich with Tapatio hot sauce!
2 slices of 7-grade bread: 150ish
2 slices of fat-free American cheese: 100
1 tablespoon of fat-free butter: 50
Tapatio Hot Sauce = 0
Total: 300
... 300/2 = 150 :)
So last night, I had a huge weight-related panic attack because I didn't make it through my 2nd day of fasting. Around 6pm I started to get horrible stomach pains that wouldn't go away. I tried ice water, Diet Coke, etc, but liquid just couldn't calm it down. So, I tried to eat some toast (100cals) with fat-free butter (50) and cinnamon to maybe absorb any acid or bile that was irritating my stomach lining. Well, that didn't work either, so I made the only "binge-food" I had in my apartment, which was Toy Story mac&cheese made with zero butter, just 1/2 cup of fat-free & lactose-free milk (45-50) which actually helped me feel a lot better. My stomach started tearing it apart right away - I could actually feel it, which was really weird. I weighed myself about 45 minutes after I ate and it said 127.2 lbs which really is less then a pound more then I weighed in the am.
BUT I LOST MORE WEIGHT! I am so happy
I'm not going to say that Hydroxycut Advanced is a magic pill because I knew barely eating 500 calories a day is probably contributing as well, but I'm going to tell myself they are :)
Today's Limit: 150.
"Lunch"
@ 12pm: 1/2 a Grilled Cheese Sandwich with Tapatio hot sauce!
2 slices of 7-grade bread: 150ish
2 slices of fat-free American cheese: 100
1 tablespoon of fat-free butter: 50
Tapatio Hot Sauce = 0
Total: 300
... 300/2 = 150 :)
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Day 10.
Weight: 126.6
I fasted all day yesterday and only took 2 of the recommend 6 total daily HydroxyCut Pills (2 every 4-6 hours so I took one at 2:30 and one at 6:00) and I lost a pound :) When I woke up this morning, I felt empty and my stomach looked more flat and defined then usual. It was a great feeling to wake up to!
Alright, so I'm going to post pros and cons that i've so far noticed with the pills
CONS:
- You need to drink heaps of water, which in turn makes you piss ALL THE TIME.
- When I was first digesting the pills, I got a mild case of the shakes and quite an increased heartbeat. The only way I can describe the feeling is that it was similar to drinking two RedBull in a short amount of time.
- It took me a long time to go to bed. I didn't get tired until 2am.
PROS:
- Hello energy!
- Absolutely no appetite. Curbed all my cravings.
- Healthy, clear urine from drinking so much water.
- Positive mood
- Weight loss! :)
So, all in all, I'd say if you can manage to get through the first hour of the pills kicking in, you're good to go.
I'm continuing fasting today, because according to my modified ABC diet, today is supposed to be one anyways.
I fasted all day yesterday and only took 2 of the recommend 6 total daily HydroxyCut Pills (2 every 4-6 hours so I took one at 2:30 and one at 6:00) and I lost a pound :) When I woke up this morning, I felt empty and my stomach looked more flat and defined then usual. It was a great feeling to wake up to!
Alright, so I'm going to post pros and cons that i've so far noticed with the pills
CONS:
- You need to drink heaps of water, which in turn makes you piss ALL THE TIME.
- When I was first digesting the pills, I got a mild case of the shakes and quite an increased heartbeat. The only way I can describe the feeling is that it was similar to drinking two RedBull in a short amount of time.
- It took me a long time to go to bed. I didn't get tired until 2am.
PROS:
- Hello energy!
- Absolutely no appetite. Curbed all my cravings.
- Healthy, clear urine from drinking so much water.
- Positive mood
- Weight loss! :)
So, all in all, I'd say if you can manage to get through the first hour of the pills kicking in, you're good to go.
I'm continuing fasting today, because according to my modified ABC diet, today is supposed to be one anyways.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Day 9.
Weight. 127.6
OH MY FUCKING GOD, WHY IS MY WEIGHT NOT CHANGING?! I'm about to pause the ABC and go on a 5-Day fast. I've been eating well under 500 calories, let alone 1000. I'm not understanding my body right now.
I bought Hydroxycut Advanced today.
The reviews are great. These suckers better work!
Oh, and although today is a 500 CALORIE day, I'm fasting. It's 3pm and I'm not hungry at all :)
OH MY FUCKING GOD, WHY IS MY WEIGHT NOT CHANGING?! I'm about to pause the ABC and go on a 5-Day fast. I've been eating well under 500 calories, let alone 1000. I'm not understanding my body right now.
I bought Hydroxycut Advanced today.
Oh, and although today is a 500 CALORIE day, I'm fasting. It's 3pm and I'm not hungry at all :)
Monday, February 21, 2011
Day 8.
Weight: 127.8 lbs
This whole staying at 127 thing is getting on my nerves. It's now been four damn days...
400 Calories
"Breakfast"
@ 10am - 1 FiberOne Bar (140)
"Lunch"
@ 12:30pm - Crystal Light Pomegranate Lemonade iced tea (5)
"Whatever"
@ 3pm - 1 & 1/2 cups of white rice - (450ish)
This whole staying at 127 thing is getting on my nerves. It's now been four damn days...
400 Calories
"Breakfast"
@ 10am - 1 FiberOne Bar (140)
"Lunch"
@ 12:30pm - Crystal Light Pomegranate Lemonade iced tea (5)
"Whatever"
@ 3pm - 1 & 1/2 cups of white rice - (450ish)
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Day 7 : Part II
So, my parents became aware of my ED in January after an accidental drug overdose. Anyways, my mother then informed my older sister of my eating disorder. Since then, she has decided to go on a "diet." Now, she's 6 years older then me and we're couldnt be more distant. I grew up practically an only child. We dont talk, we aren't close - never have been, never will be.
Well today (or a few days ago) my sister updates her semi-popular blog which she posted to my Facebook wall she she is now a size 4. The thing is, my sister is about two incehs shorter then me (I'm 5'2, almost 5'3" and she weighs probably 10-15lbs more then me, so how she is a size 4 is beyond me. I am inbetween a 2 and a 4 right now, but the fact that she BRAGGED about it [to me - in a sense] set me off. She KNOWS i'm struggling with recovery. She KNOWS this is hard for me. She KNOWS not to challenge me on weight-related things. And she does it anyways.
I am so fucking mad. I am beyond mad. I was feeling so good about myself loosing 5lbs in 7 days (I'm on the ABC) but now I'm just like fuck it. It's on. You want to brag about being a 4? In a month I'll be a 0 ...bitch. I know its not healthy but I want to shove it in her fucking face. I want to get sick. Really, really sick - just so I can ask her, "So, do you want to be like me now?" Maybe then she'll realize its not fucking okay to say and do things like that. I'm NOT on a diet, I am Bulimic. She just triggered something really, REALLY bad in me. I've had it up to ^(here)^ this week with my boyfriend dumping me and telling me he doesn't love me anymore, to overwhelming midterms, being super depressed, etc.... I DID NOT NEED THIS.
Day 7.
Weight: 127.8
I never knew how easy I was to stop loving.
Que my heart shattering into a million little pieces. I can't sleep. I can't eat. Can barely breathe... I can't get out of bed. I can't function. Que tossing the diamond promise ring, diamond pendant necklace, and engraved bracelet into a swamp. There's so many "things" he bought me. Clothes. Jewelry. Knickknacks. My Sasha baby.... I dont know how I'm going to do this. Que smashing the valentines day vase into the concrete and shoving a dozen roses down the garbage disposal. He faked and forced this Valentines Day and I'll never forgive him for that.
"I have no interest in continuing any relationship with you."Two and a half years wasted. I never knew how easy I was to walk away from.
I never knew how easy I was to stop loving.
Que my heart shattering into a million little pieces. I can't sleep. I can't eat. Can barely breathe... I can't get out of bed. I can't function. Que tossing the diamond promise ring, diamond pendant necklace, and engraved bracelet into a swamp. There's so many "things" he bought me. Clothes. Jewelry. Knickknacks. My Sasha baby.... I dont know how I'm going to do this. Que smashing the valentines day vase into the concrete and shoving a dozen roses down the garbage disposal. He faked and forced this Valentines Day and I'll never forgive him for that.
After I wash my sheets to get rid of his scent, I'm staying in bed all day. It's really the only place right now that feels safe - where nobody can hurt me.
Also, by March 1st, I'd like to weigh 119 lbs. That gives me 8 days to loose at least 8 lbs. I think I can do it.
Also, by March 1st, I'd like to weigh 119 lbs. That gives me 8 days to loose at least 8 lbs. I think I can do it.
300 Calories
@ 11:00am - 1/2 a glas of lactose free & fat free milk with silmfast high protein powder (95)
@ 12:30pm - 3/4 cup of plain fiberOne cereal (110)
@ 11:00am - 1/2 a glas of lactose free & fat free milk with silmfast high protein powder (95)
@ 12:30pm - 3/4 cup of plain fiberOne cereal (110)
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Day 6
Weight: 127.4
Wow. Last night I was really fucked up. I went over to my friend Sammie's place with like 5-6 other people. Played beer pong. Smoked out of her new awesome bubbler. Sammie and I decided sure, lets do a Jaeger Bomb... haven't since I was 18 - but why not? After that followed these amazingly delicious cookie-hashbrownies her and her boyfriend Jensen made. I only had half of one, Sammie had 2 full ones. Those take about 45 minutes to digest and get into your system, so in that 45 minutes we (Sammy, Kaley, and I) did a gravity bong and some salvia. By like 11:00pm my brain was done.
I also had too much fucking food but at least I didn't eat anything all day until about 8pm. Maybe that's why I didn't gain out of it? Two Coors Lights and I had some Hamburger Helper that Sammie offered me and I didn't want to be rude and turn it down. Then I had like 6 rabbit-shaped/easter themed sweet-tart candies. Then of course the brownie, and some cheetos to top it off. I get such a bad oral fixation / clench when I'm high/rolling/tripping. I constantly have to chew something, but I didn't have any SF gum on me. That reminds me to go to the store today and grab a huge pack. And some SF RedBull too. I'm so SO glad I didn't gain any weight. I seriously can't express that enough... I was terrified I would. I told myself I'd stop smoking weed for this very reason. NO MORE MUNCHIES. I need to get on that like asap.
Today is supposed to be a 200 calorie day, but it might be a fast. I'm not sure. I have no apetite right now.
@ 11:00am
"Breakfast" - 2 pieces of toast with peanut butter (380)
Now I'm done for the day.
Wow. Last night I was really fucked up. I went over to my friend Sammie's place with like 5-6 other people. Played beer pong. Smoked out of her new awesome bubbler. Sammie and I decided sure, lets do a Jaeger Bomb... haven't since I was 18 - but why not? After that followed these amazingly delicious cookie-hashbrownies her and her boyfriend Jensen made. I only had half of one, Sammie had 2 full ones. Those take about 45 minutes to digest and get into your system, so in that 45 minutes we (Sammy, Kaley, and I) did a gravity bong and some salvia. By like 11:00pm my brain was done.
I also had too much fucking food but at least I didn't eat anything all day until about 8pm. Maybe that's why I didn't gain out of it? Two Coors Lights and I had some Hamburger Helper that Sammie offered me and I didn't want to be rude and turn it down. Then I had like 6 rabbit-shaped/easter themed sweet-tart candies. Then of course the brownie, and some cheetos to top it off. I get such a bad oral fixation / clench when I'm high/rolling/tripping. I constantly have to chew something, but I didn't have any SF gum on me. That reminds me to go to the store today and grab a huge pack. And some SF RedBull too. I'm so SO glad I didn't gain any weight. I seriously can't express that enough... I was terrified I would. I told myself I'd stop smoking weed for this very reason. NO MORE MUNCHIES. I need to get on that like asap.
Today is supposed to be a 200 calorie day, but it might be a fast. I'm not sure. I have no apetite right now.
@ 11:00am
"Breakfast" - 2 pieces of toast with peanut butter (380)
Now I'm done for the day.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Day 5
Weight: 127.4
Yesterday I was so depressed. I ended up going to lay in bed at 1pm, and I didn't really get out of bed until 9:30am this morning. I decided that going to my Medical Law & Ethics class his morning was not on my list of priorities today. Austin and I are completely over. He expressed to me last night that although he still deeply cared about me, he doesn't feel the way he used to about me, or the way I want him to anymore. This is really just another way of saying "I dont love you anymore." I'm absolutely devastated. There really is no other way to explain how I feel. I'm numb, shocked, betrayed, damaged, etc. Use whatever negative and dramatic synonym you'd prefer.
So, regarding the ABC diet I have so far lost four pounds. Hooray! I did tweak one thing - on days that are 100 calories, I have turned them into a fast, which means every 5 days I fast, which is today! Due to my situation with Austin and being entirely stripped of any self-worth or value I seemed to once have had, I have no apetite. I think today is going to be quite "blah" even though my now 5-Day-Weekend starts today. It's sunny and beautiful outside. I think Mother Nature is mocking me.
I noticed a big physical change today: my collar bones are much more defined, and I LOVE IT.
Ps: I want new friends who will do drugs with me.
Yesterday I was so depressed. I ended up going to lay in bed at 1pm, and I didn't really get out of bed until 9:30am this morning. I decided that going to my Medical Law & Ethics class his morning was not on my list of priorities today. Austin and I are completely over. He expressed to me last night that although he still deeply cared about me, he doesn't feel the way he used to about me, or the way I want him to anymore. This is really just another way of saying "I dont love you anymore." I'm absolutely devastated. There really is no other way to explain how I feel. I'm numb, shocked, betrayed, damaged, etc. Use whatever negative and dramatic synonym you'd prefer.
So, regarding the ABC diet I have so far lost four pounds. Hooray! I did tweak one thing - on days that are 100 calories, I have turned them into a fast, which means every 5 days I fast, which is today! Due to my situation with Austin and being entirely stripped of any self-worth or value I seemed to once have had, I have no apetite. I think today is going to be quite "blah" even though my now 5-Day-Weekend starts today. It's sunny and beautiful outside. I think Mother Nature is mocking me.
I noticed a big physical change today: my collar bones are much more defined, and I LOVE IT.
Ps: I want new friends who will do drugs with me.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Day 4
Weight: 128.2
Fuck fuck fuck, the weather sucks. I have a midterm today. I lost another pound. Oh, and I'm in a really pissy mood.
The End.
Calorie Limit: 400
@ 8:32am
"Breakfast" - 1 coke (180)
@ 11:50am
"Lunch" - 1 cup of white rice with butter (400) [PURGED]
Fuck fuck fuck, the weather sucks. I have a midterm today. I lost another pound. Oh, and I'm in a really pissy mood.
The End.
Calorie Limit: 400
@ 8:32am
"Breakfast" - 1 coke (180)
@ 11:50am
"Lunch" - 1 cup of white rice with butter (400) [PURGED]
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Day 3.
Weight: 129.6
So, it may not be three pounds lost, like I hoped for yesterday, but it is two! Yay! :) I swear, one of the best feelings in the whole entire world is waking up in the morning, warm, calm, and collected - the weather is kinda grey out and windy and not even raining but rather spitting - and then you step out of bed and you cant walk because your muscles are so unbelievably sore after working them so hard. My muscles hurt and my stomach is empty and I really am quite content at the moment.
I fucking hate Insanity. I really do. I thought it would be something completely different then it is. I feel like such a dumbass for buying it, and I want to return it. I feel like a pansy though, because so many people were able to complete it and see this crazy results and I'm just like, "no." Part of it I think is because Insanity makes me really hungry. REALLY REALLY HUNGRY. That's how I went from 121 to 132 in a matter of two weeks was from that damn program, and truth be told, I'm not doing that again... ever.
Now I have to be all sneaky with my credit and debit card so that BeachBody won't take out the next payment installment for Insanity. That, and I'm so poor that my automatic payment for my gym membership, which is $42 a month, is supposed to come out today, but I only have like $35 in my account. I hope they'll understand that I'm not working right now to focus on my academics and i'm currently receiving money from Bank of Dad which will give me money on Saturday.
Why do I always feel like I have to be in a competition with people regarding my weight? It's just fucking numbers and has not value in describing who I am or my self-worth, yet I believe the complete opposite. All I know is the bitch who pretty much started my eating disorder starved herself after she had her baby, and is now 100. Then my old best friend (who is my height 5'2, but less curvy) got married, had a baby, and dropped to 106, although there's a good chance she weighs less now. On a side note, I'm 90% sure she has an eating disorder. I'll discuss my theories on that matter another time. All I know is at 93, I'll be skinnier then almost everyone I know, including those who's opinions of my weight matter most. Fuck it. Just you wait.
My kitty is currently taking my panties out of my panty drawer (which i always forget to close) and running around the apartment with them. She's so damn cute, but I'm really sick of loosing my undies. I guess I better go scavenge around and find them all. I'll update later.
Today's Limit : 300
@ 9:15am
Breakfast: 1 Granny Smith Apple (80)
@ 11:30am
Snack: York Peppermint Pieces (200) [PURGED]
@ 1:15pm
Lunch: Select Harvest Light Chicken and Vegetables soup (120)
I wish my running endurance wasn't shit. The weather right now is PERFECT for a trail run, but I can barely run trails for longer then 5 minutes. It puts so much pressure on my hip.
For those of you who don't know, when I was 10 years old I somehow became infected with an internal staph infection which festered inside my right hip joint. I was in Children's Hospital in Seattle for over two weeks, had two surgeries to remove as much of the infection as possible. My hip with literally swimming in liquid staph. It destroyed my hip. It "ate" 2/3 of the cartilage cushioning the joint and turned the surface of my bones to sand paper. 1/3 children die from an infection this severe, 1/3 loose a limb, and I somehow walked away with neither. If you have the stomach, google "Staph Infection." It will likely provide photographs of an external staph infection on the skin. I had that inside my body. The only reason I'm alive is because your hip does not receive much blood flow. Staph (internally) kills you because it manages to get into your blood stream and attack your internal organs. I'm lucky to be alive, but I had to quit every sport I ever did to preserve my joint and bones for as long as possible. Up until i was 17, I didn't have to strength to run because I never used to my muscles, but now I love running! I can only run for 20 minutes on a treadmill, but trails are really hard for me.
Anyways. I really wish I could take a run around the lake by my apartment, Lake Padden. It's so pretty :)
So, it may not be three pounds lost, like I hoped for yesterday, but it is two! Yay! :) I swear, one of the best feelings in the whole entire world is waking up in the morning, warm, calm, and collected - the weather is kinda grey out and windy and not even raining but rather spitting - and then you step out of bed and you cant walk because your muscles are so unbelievably sore after working them so hard. My muscles hurt and my stomach is empty and I really am quite content at the moment.
I fucking hate Insanity. I really do. I thought it would be something completely different then it is. I feel like such a dumbass for buying it, and I want to return it. I feel like a pansy though, because so many people were able to complete it and see this crazy results and I'm just like, "no." Part of it I think is because Insanity makes me really hungry. REALLY REALLY HUNGRY. That's how I went from 121 to 132 in a matter of two weeks was from that damn program, and truth be told, I'm not doing that again... ever.
Now I have to be all sneaky with my credit and debit card so that BeachBody won't take out the next payment installment for Insanity. That, and I'm so poor that my automatic payment for my gym membership, which is $42 a month, is supposed to come out today, but I only have like $35 in my account. I hope they'll understand that I'm not working right now to focus on my academics and i'm currently receiving money from Bank of Dad which will give me money on Saturday.
Why do I always feel like I have to be in a competition with people regarding my weight? It's just fucking numbers and has not value in describing who I am or my self-worth, yet I believe the complete opposite. All I know is the bitch who pretty much started my eating disorder starved herself after she had her baby, and is now 100. Then my old best friend (who is my height 5'2, but less curvy) got married, had a baby, and dropped to 106, although there's a good chance she weighs less now. On a side note, I'm 90% sure she has an eating disorder. I'll discuss my theories on that matter another time. All I know is at 93, I'll be skinnier then almost everyone I know, including those who's opinions of my weight matter most. Fuck it. Just you wait.
My kitty is currently taking my panties out of my panty drawer (which i always forget to close) and running around the apartment with them. She's so damn cute, but I'm really sick of loosing my undies. I guess I better go scavenge around and find them all. I'll update later.
Today's Limit : 300
@ 9:15am
Breakfast: 1 Granny Smith Apple (80)
@ 11:30am
Snack: York Peppermint Pieces (200) [PURGED]
@ 1:15pm
Lunch: Select Harvest Light Chicken and Vegetables soup (120)
I wish my running endurance wasn't shit. The weather right now is PERFECT for a trail run, but I can barely run trails for longer then 5 minutes. It puts so much pressure on my hip.
For those of you who don't know, when I was 10 years old I somehow became infected with an internal staph infection which festered inside my right hip joint. I was in Children's Hospital in Seattle for over two weeks, had two surgeries to remove as much of the infection as possible. My hip with literally swimming in liquid staph. It destroyed my hip. It "ate" 2/3 of the cartilage cushioning the joint and turned the surface of my bones to sand paper. 1/3 children die from an infection this severe, 1/3 loose a limb, and I somehow walked away with neither. If you have the stomach, google "Staph Infection." It will likely provide photographs of an external staph infection on the skin. I had that inside my body. The only reason I'm alive is because your hip does not receive much blood flow. Staph (internally) kills you because it manages to get into your blood stream and attack your internal organs. I'm lucky to be alive, but I had to quit every sport I ever did to preserve my joint and bones for as long as possible. Up until i was 17, I didn't have to strength to run because I never used to my muscles, but now I love running! I can only run for 20 minutes on a treadmill, but trails are really hard for me.
Anyways. I really wish I could take a run around the lake by my apartment, Lake Padden. It's so pretty :)
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Day 2.
Weight: 131
I woke up tired and disgruntled this morning. Yesterday was Valentines Day and for somebody who is freshly single after two and a half years, I had a right to be bitchy - especially since Austin moved out. That was far from pleasant, regardless of the fact that he bought me a dozen beautiful red roses. Que complicated relationship.
My weight barely changed after one day, despite my hopes. Hopefully it's just a mild setback and tomorrow I'll wake up 3lbs lighter, or something like that. I'm sore today. The outside of my quads ache, and my hip flexors and feeling really tight. My calf muscles are also a little tight, but after some good stretching I'll think I'll be okay. I'm planning on going to the gym this evening, so I'll update this post with the calories burned after. Also this evening, Mr. Shawn T and I have an Insanity date. I can already feel the glute and hamstring pain. Oh boy.
Calorie Limit : 500
@ 8:30am
Breakfast: 1 Slimfast High Protein Shake w/ Lactose Free & Fat Free milk (150)
@ 11:30am
Random Snack/Craving: 1/2 cup of scrambled egg whites w/ grated Fat Free American cheese (175)
@ 1:00pm thru 2:00pm
Lunch with friends: 1 piece of pizza (250) [PURGED] and 5 raspberry creamcicles (50 each) [PURGED]
@ 7:30pm
Dinner with complicated lover: Russian potato & beef dumplings (IDontWantToKnow) [PURGED]
Total Consumed: 450 - 500 calories
@ 8:30pm - GYM!
30 Minutes Running/Jogging = 207 calories burned
30 Minutes on Elliptical = 284 calories burned
Total Burned: 491 Calories
+++ Insanity @ 10pm. I really need to by a heart rate monitor so I can track how many calories I burn while doing Insanity. I also need to buy new running shoes / trainers because mine are causing a blister on the outside of my right big toe. i ALSO need new yoga pants/capris and tank tops. I'm sick of rotating the same 2-3 outfits to the gym. I hate being a poor college student; I can never ever buy myself clothes.
Hmph.
I woke up tired and disgruntled this morning. Yesterday was Valentines Day and for somebody who is freshly single after two and a half years, I had a right to be bitchy - especially since Austin moved out. That was far from pleasant, regardless of the fact that he bought me a dozen beautiful red roses. Que complicated relationship.
My weight barely changed after one day, despite my hopes. Hopefully it's just a mild setback and tomorrow I'll wake up 3lbs lighter, or something like that. I'm sore today. The outside of my quads ache, and my hip flexors and feeling really tight. My calf muscles are also a little tight, but after some good stretching I'll think I'll be okay. I'm planning on going to the gym this evening, so I'll update this post with the calories burned after. Also this evening, Mr. Shawn T and I have an Insanity date. I can already feel the glute and hamstring pain. Oh boy.
Calorie Limit : 500
@ 8:30am
Breakfast: 1 Slimfast High Protein Shake w/ Lactose Free & Fat Free milk (150)
@ 11:30am
Random Snack/Craving: 1/2 cup of scrambled egg whites w/ grated Fat Free American cheese (175)
@ 1:00pm thru 2:00pm
Lunch with friends: 1 piece of pizza (250) [PURGED] and 5 raspberry creamcicles (50 each) [PURGED]
@ 7:30pm
Dinner with complicated lover: Russian potato & beef dumplings (IDontWantToKnow) [PURGED]
Total Consumed: 450 - 500 calories
@ 8:30pm - GYM!
30 Minutes Running/Jogging = 207 calories burned
30 Minutes on Elliptical = 284 calories burned
Total Burned: 491 Calories
+++ Insanity @ 10pm. I really need to by a heart rate monitor so I can track how many calories I burn while doing Insanity. I also need to buy new running shoes / trainers because mine are causing a blister on the outside of my right big toe. i ALSO need new yoga pants/capris and tank tops. I'm sick of rotating the same 2-3 outfits to the gym. I hate being a poor college student; I can never ever buy myself clothes.
Hmph.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Day 1 : Introductions, how awkward.
Age: 20
Measurements: 33 / 24 / 34
Height: 5'2
Highest Weight: 155
Lowest Weight: 110
Current Weight: 132
For those of you who are actually going to read my blog, I'm Lindsay. I've been diagnosed with Bulimia Nervosa, BiPolar type II Disorder, and ADD. I dont feel that I was properly diagnosed with Bulimia because I do not excessively binge. My "binges" rarely exceed 1500 calories. I feel that anything over 500 calories is a binge, although I often feel that anything I eat is binging. Anyways, this blog is solely for my ED-related issues and everything I feel that appropriately coincides with it. Unfortunately, because my mind is the mess that it is, please be forewarned that various names and topics such as my ex-boyfriend/complicated lover Austin and various drugs might be mentioned. I've tried to recover several times and It's not something I'm ready to give into with my whole heart. I am going to try the ABC diet for the second time, while restarting the Insanity program. I don't enjoy purging, so I'm hoping this well help decrease the constant urge to. I plan on doing two-a-days, which means I will be going to gym in the morning, while maintaining the daily Insanity regime in the evenings. I'd like to loose 15-20lbs by my 21st birthday, which is March 22nd. Ultimate, my goal is 93lbs, which would put my BMI at 17.01. I'm not here to receive judgement, negative comments, or any disrespectful opinions degrading my disorder(s) or decisions.
So here we go...
Day One - February 14th, 2011
Calorie Limit: 500
@ 9:30am
Gym...
Burned 165 calories on the treadmill - spent 20 minutes jogging.
Burned 305 calories on the elliptical - spent 30 minutes on the "interval" setting.
@ 11:00am
Breakfast: 1 FiberOne bar (140 calories)
@ 12:30pm
Snack: 5 peapods (5 calories) & 1 sugar-free jello cup (10 calories)
@ 1:30pm
Lunch: Slimfast extra protein shake with lactose free & fat free milk (roughly 200 calories)
@ 6:00pm
Dinner: Select Harvest Light Chicken and Vegetables soup (120 calories)
Total: 465 Calories
Measurements: 33 / 24 / 34
Height: 5'2
Highest Weight: 155
Lowest Weight: 110
Current Weight: 132
For those of you who are actually going to read my blog, I'm Lindsay. I've been diagnosed with Bulimia Nervosa, BiPolar type II Disorder, and ADD. I dont feel that I was properly diagnosed with Bulimia because I do not excessively binge. My "binges" rarely exceed 1500 calories. I feel that anything over 500 calories is a binge, although I often feel that anything I eat is binging. Anyways, this blog is solely for my ED-related issues and everything I feel that appropriately coincides with it. Unfortunately, because my mind is the mess that it is, please be forewarned that various names and topics such as my ex-boyfriend/complicated lover Austin and various drugs might be mentioned. I've tried to recover several times and It's not something I'm ready to give into with my whole heart. I am going to try the ABC diet for the second time, while restarting the Insanity program. I don't enjoy purging, so I'm hoping this well help decrease the constant urge to. I plan on doing two-a-days, which means I will be going to gym in the morning, while maintaining the daily Insanity regime in the evenings. I'd like to loose 15-20lbs by my 21st birthday, which is March 22nd. Ultimate, my goal is 93lbs, which would put my BMI at 17.01. I'm not here to receive judgement, negative comments, or any disrespectful opinions degrading my disorder(s) or decisions.
So here we go...
Day One - February 14th, 2011
Calorie Limit: 500
@ 9:30am
Gym...
Burned 165 calories on the treadmill - spent 20 minutes jogging.
Burned 305 calories on the elliptical - spent 30 minutes on the "interval" setting.
@ 11:00am
Breakfast: 1 FiberOne bar (140 calories)
@ 12:30pm
Snack: 5 peapods (5 calories) & 1 sugar-free jello cup (10 calories)
@ 1:30pm
Lunch: Slimfast extra protein shake with lactose free & fat free milk (roughly 200 calories)
@ 6:00pm
Dinner: Select Harvest Light Chicken and Vegetables soup (120 calories)
Total: 465 Calories
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